Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Is Pain on the Horizon?

At my post-op this past Monday we were given the go-ahead to do a FET cycle after my next period arrives. I'm excited that we might, possibly, really be moving forward. But I'm also scared to death. Dr. S wants me on a protocol that includes estrace, and since I still have joint pain from my time on Premarin this winter I'm not keen on it. I'm really afraid that my joint and lung pain will intensify. Worse, I'm worried that whatever is going on, likely an autoimmune problem, will be raised from whence it sleeps and that it will create real problems for me.

After taking the Premarin I would literally wake up in the morning nearly unable to move my hands. I had the strangest sensations and my hands hurt intensely all the time. I still have joint pain but it is much less intense. And even though I've been told by multiple doctors that I don't have lupus or rheumatoid arthritis because I have had two negative ANA (anti-nuclear antibodies) tests and a negative rheumatoid factor, I don't believe it. Something is wrong with me and I fear that I will never feel as well as I did before my pregnancy with Benjamin. And I worry that it will get worse and I will be told I shouldn't get pregnant. Ever.

Mr. Chop and I learned that Dr. S prefers to use some or all of our Day 3 embryos. This was a surprise because we thought the four blastocysts would have better odds. On the contrary. Actually, blasts have a harder shell and have a poorer thaw rate than their junior counterparts. So I guess we'll be going with the Day 3 boys and girls.

So now we wait. And pray that problems won't develop. Oh yeah, and that the FET will work. And that a resulting pregancy will bring us that child we long to hold.

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