Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Complaints Department

So, I need to get something off my chest.

The woman in the office next door to me is newly pregnant. She did IVF, and this is her first pregnancy (she is just over 40). While I'm glad for her, it sucks to be me and constantly hear about it. I mean, all day long. She's only about 8 weeks pregnant, and she should be happy to finally be pregnant. That's a wonderful thing. But she complains all day long about feeling sick. Not sick enough not to go mountain bike riding (WTF? after conceiving via IVF at an advanced maternal age?), but sick enough to complain. She's told just about everyone, whether in phone or in person. I know this because I can hear everything while I am sitting at my desk trying to work. Now, you'd think she'd be a little more selective about who she tells and when. But no.

W. actually said to me, earlier today, that I probably don't want to hear her complain about food not sounding good and "what she would do to have just one meal that tastes good". I just nodded and smiled. I went through all of that and worse, I was in quite a bit of pain and on bed rest. And what did I get? Nothing but a dead baby and a lot of grief. But she complains about everything she can't eat: sushi, blue cheese, coffee and wine. I really don't know how I'm going to deal with much more of this. And she is constantly eating pot.ato chips. Crunch, crunch, crunch.

I really can't stand it. Sure, she should be happy. She should be ecstatic. But please, enough with the constant complaints. And have some respect for me. And everyone else in this little tiny office space. I don't know how I'm going to stay at this job much longer. That is, without losing the little bit of sanity I have left.

Speaking of the job, I have little to nothing to do and have to do my best to look busy. I know I should be glad to have a job at all in this economy but it's just been so lousy here for so long. Unfortunately, the job market is the pits right now and I can't see looking for another job while I'm in the process of going through another round of treatments. It's just not that easy to slip away for appointments when you've just started a new job.

But, speaking of treatments, last Saturday I started the BCP which is the first step of my FET protocol. Here's my protocol (if I can get through it without my joints and lungs giving me too many problems):

August 1 Start lupron injections.

August 7 Take final BCP.

August 14
Suppression check. Transvaginal ultrasound to determine whether ovaries have cysts and that no follicles are being formed.

August 15
If suppressed decrease lupron and start estrace supplementation at increasing levels to mimic natural cycle. I will also be utilizing acupuncture to prepare my lining for hopeful implantation.

August 29
Endometrial lining check. Literally, my endometrial lining will be measured via ultrasound.

August 30
If endometrial lining is acceptable reduce estraceand start PIO injections.

September 3
Possible embryo transfer, if all goes well.

I'm feeling really scared about whether the estrogen will send me into a world of hurt again. And wondering how I will get through all of the minutes and hours between now and all that is to come, or not come, ahead.


  1. Hi,

    I've only recently found your blog because I was searching on "uterine spetum" on the Stirrup Queen's website. :)

    First of all, I am so so very sorry for your loss. I can understand you are in a raw place and just trying to get through the journey to make your family.

    You can read more about me on my blog, but my DH and I have been trying for almost 3 years now for a family too. 5 IUIs and now onto a IVF w/ICSI cycle. I went in for a hystercopy this past week and was told I might have a uterine septum (hence, my search). The strange thing is that I was told it wasn't severe and my choice if I wanted a D&C on it. I'm confused, overwhelmend, angry and weepy.

    Would love to get some more from you on your case as well. It would help to wrap my head around everything and evaluate my choices.


  2. Hi,

    I'm so sorry you're in the same place. It's so hard.

    My septum was quite small and the doctor wasn't sure if it even qualified completely. But because it appeared to have poor blood flow, he felt it was worth getting rid of. And in my case, I really wasn't given the option of whether to get rid of it or not. I was under general anesthesia and the surgery was more exploratory than anything else. But I feel that if I'd had to make a decision about whether to keep it or not, I would have gone with the surgery.

    Oddly enough, I have a friend who recently had a small septum removed. In her case, she has had no problem getting pregnant, but has never carried a pregnancy beyond 8 weeks. All three of her pregnancies have resulted in miscarriages.

    I guess I'm confused about why the doctor would do a D & C on your septum. If you do decide to have it removed, I would think they would do it with hysteroscopic surgery so that they can see what they are doing. I would also ask the doctor how many of these surgeries he or she has done.

    Don't you hate having to make these kinds of decisions?

  3. Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you were able to just get yours removed and move foeard from there. I guess the D&C was for some of the floppy lining they saw, but after speaking to the Dr. again, she said it wasn't a big issue. So we're just going to more foward and see how it goes.

    I am supposed to start my Lupron shots on Sunday (a day after you!) so it looks like we'll be close with retreival and transfer. Hoping the outcome is positive and brings you what you wish for the most on your next birthday. :). I'll be 35 next month, so I know the frustration of the "advanced maternal age" stamp.