Wednesday, July 22, 2009
So, I need to get something off my chest.
The woman in the office next door to me is newly pregnant. She did IVF, and this is her first pregnancy (she is just over 40). While I'm glad for her, it sucks to be me and constantly hear about it. I mean, all day long. She's only about 8 weeks pregnant, and she should be happy to finally be pregnant. That's a wonderful thing. But she complains all day long about feeling sick. Not sick enough not to go mountain bike riding (WTF? after conceiving via IVF at an advanced maternal age?), but sick enough to complain. She's told just about everyone, whether in phone or in person. I know this because I can hear everything while I am sitting at my desk trying to work. Now, you'd think she'd be a little more selective about who she tells and when. But no.
W. actually said to me, earlier today, that I probably don't want to hear her complain about food not sounding good and "what she would do to have just one meal that tastes good". I just nodded and smiled. I went through all of that and worse, I was in quite a bit of pain and on bed rest. And what did I get? Nothing but a dead baby and a lot of grief. But she complains about everything she can't eat: sushi, blue cheese, coffee and wine. I really don't know how I'm going to deal with much more of this. And she is constantly eating pot.ato chips. Crunch, crunch, crunch.
I really can't stand it. Sure, she should be happy. She should be ecstatic. But please, enough with the constant complaints. And have some respect for me. And everyone else in this little tiny office space. I don't know how I'm going to stay at this job much longer. That is, without losing the little bit of sanity I have left.
Speaking of the job, I have little to nothing to do and have to do my best to look busy. I know I should be glad to have a job at all in this economy but it's just been so lousy here for so long. Unfortunately, the job market is the pits right now and I can't see looking for another job while I'm in the process of going through another round of treatments. It's just not that easy to slip away for appointments when you've just started a new job.
But, speaking of treatments, last Saturday I started the BCP which is the first step of my FET protocol. Here's my protocol (if I can get through it without my joints and lungs giving me too many problems):
August 1 Start lupron injections.
August 7 Take final BCP.
August 14 Suppression check. Transvaginal ultrasound to determine whether ovaries have cysts and that no follicles are being formed.
August 15 If suppressed decrease lupron and start estrace supplementation at increasing levels to mimic natural cycle. I will also be utilizing acupuncture to prepare my lining for hopeful implantation.
August 29 Endometrial lining check. Literally, my endometrial lining will be measured via ultrasound.
August 30 If endometrial lining is acceptable reduce estraceand start PIO injections.
September 3 Possible embryo transfer, if all goes well.
I'm feeling really scared about whether the estrogen will send me into a world of hurt again. And wondering how I will get through all of the minutes and hours between now and all that is to come, or not come, ahead.