Fourth of July

We had a lovely long weekend. Saturday we went to a friend's birthday/Fourth of July party and Sunday we celebrated my dad's special day.

I had a little meltdown on Friday, the day before the holiday. It seems that holidays -- any kind -- do this to me. I thought about how Benjamin should be here. I thought about how everyone we know seems to have a baby, or babies, or now children who are far from babies -- except for us. Somehow the reality of a holiday always makes our house feel even emptier. And our house always feels empty, because we have a house perfect for a family -- five bedroom, three bath with a nice backyard -- and totally inappropriate for a couple with four cats. And yet another holiday went by without having expanded our family.

But I did take some time to think about how lucky I am to have a loving husband and wonderful parents. And so much around me to be thankful for. And I tried to take some time to be hopeful, but that was hard. Because after four years of this, it's hard to imagine that our dreams of a family will come true. But we have to keep on trying.