Trying Again

So it's been a hellish couple of months. I'll talk about it another time. When I'm in a better space.

We are ready to try again. Well, actually, we've been trying for a couple of months but we don't seem to be able to get pregnant through sex so. . . back to the clinic we go. It will be a frozen embryo transfer (FET) this time, using leftover embryos from our IVF last fall.

I will be doing a lupron protocol starting after my next LH surge. I'm supposed to use ovulation predictor kits until I show a surge, and seven days later I start lupron, then go to estrace, then progesterone shots. I'm really scared about starting this again. And I'm really scared that I will have severe joint pain again.

So, after the loss I was prescribed premarin to rebuild my uterine lining. A few days after starting the estrogen, I developed bad joint pain. I woke up in the morning with stiff, achy joints and they hurt all day. It was hard to do much of anything, my hands hurt so bad. Sounded a lot like rheumatoid arthritis or lupus. That and the pleuritic chest pain I still have. But my rheumatoid factor was low and I had two negative ANA tests and was told I therefore did not likely have an autoimmune disease. And none of the doctors I saw (my internist, my peri, a rheumatologist and my reproductive endocrinologist) felt that the premarin was a factor in causing the joint pain. So here I go again, back on the estrogen. Hoping I'm not doomed to have joint pain for months. Because as bad as infertility is, infertility paired with chronic pain is even worse. And according to the protocol, if you do get pregnant they continue the estrace and progesterone for ten to twelve weeks.

So I just hope for once there is good news. Lasting good news. Long awaited good news. A healthy pregnancy. A living, healthy baby. No more joint pain.

I would pray but I gave up on praying when our son died. Although I find myself unconsciously sneaking one in now and then.